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(excerpt from The Polyamory Toolkit)

Once you’ve opened the door and walked into polyamory, can you ever go back?

I’ve tried it on occasion but never really with conviction. Only as a reaction to a bad time – “Fine, we will just not see other people, and I won’t have to deal with my (jealousy/fear/lack of trust/etc)”. But it doesn’t stick, at least not for me. For me, being polyamorous is a core aspect of who I am.  And once I tasted it, once I’ve realized that I can love more than one person and that we (a large poly community) are out there, and I am not just weird but instead just wired different than monogamous people, then there is no chance of long term happiness if I deny this aspect of who I am. Loving more than one, sharing myself, being able to be open to new relationships if they come my way, tasting all of life without the limitations of a monogamous society, this is who I am. Facing everything that makes polyamory hard is part of who I am as well. And growing from it. And having partners that support my struggles.

1 Comment

  1. melindy

    I don’t think I could go back, although, some of the pain of watching my primary fall in love with another makes me want to temporarily. Of course when it is me experiencing NRE it is great! I would say the self growth polyamory brings is the biggest reason I would go back. It has made me know myself better than ever before


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The Polyamory Toolkit

 A book that focuses on specific tools people can use to address the common issues and deeper aspects of a polyamorous relationship. This work includes topics such as: Jealousy, Compersion – finding joy in your partners’ joy, Communication, Mitigating Triggers, Creating a Solid Foundation, and so much more.

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