(excerpt from The Polyamory Toolkit)
Sometimes when I’m feeling emotional, I’ll turn to my ancient teddy bear for comfort. I mean, this poor bear is ancient. There are photographs of me just at the age of walking and holding onto this teddy bear at a Christmas tree. So, I’m assuming I’ve had him since I was 1 ½ years old. The poor guy has seen better days, but he has always made me feel safe and comforted.
He is one of my anchors.
An emotional anchor is an object (usually) that anchors us in the storm. These objects can anchor us to a state of mind, bring us comfort, ground us, remind us that we are in the present.
My teddy bear was there through troubled times and made me feel like someone loved me. He was truly my go to for comfort. And now, he sits by my bed on a shelf and if I’m really feeling the need, I curl up in bed with him and am able to fall asleep, usually after crying on his shoulder.
He’s been brought down off the shelf more than once during my journey into polyamory. And I’m sure he’ll be my comfort again in the future.
Another anchor I used to use is a beautiful rose quartz Kwan Yin pendant. She started out as a necklace and then when the chain broke, she hung out in my pocket or my purse. Now, she sits on my altar in my meditation room.
And it can also be an animal. We used to have a cat, Dusty. He was a beautiful, soft fluffy Blue Persian. When I came home from a hard appointment with my therapist, Dusty would be waiting for me at the door. And as soon as I would sit on the couch, he’d be in my lap, purring and snuggling with me. He didn’t do this too often, but he certainly did it if he knew I was upset, which was usually after one of those appointments. He was absolutely an anchor that was very grounding.
The Polyamory Toolkit
A book that focuses on specific tools people can use to address the common issues and deeper aspects of a polyamorous relationship. This work includes topics such as: Jealousy, Compersion – finding joy in your partners’ joy, Communication, Mitigating Triggers, Creating a Solid Foundation, and so much more.